Ready...

First, let's go over unhelpful fashion tips.


Petite: size for shorter women
I fit in this category since I almost 5 feet tall. Petites have to concentrate on wearing clothes that makes them look taller. High waisted pants, longer shirts, etc. But I don't really fit well into petite clothes because I am also a bit big. My chest will not squeeze into shirts well.


Short torso fashion tip: wear longer shirts and parellel lines to elongate torso
If I do that, I'll look like a shapeless nothing with reallly short short legs.


Short leg fashion tip: wear high waisted pants and parellel lines to elongate legs
If I do that, my torso will shrink to only 2 boobs.


Short neck: don't wear scarves, wear things that elongate your neck like V-necks. Problem is, my boobs again.


Pear shape: bigger hip than chest measurement
Pear shapes have big hips and slender tops. So they need to draw away attention from their hips to their tops. So shirts will designs and frills or something on the top will help draw the eyes away from hips. But I already have huge bonkers. I don't think adding more attention will help make my body look proportionate.


No waist/ not very noticeable waist: wear things like belts and shirts that pinch your waist then flare out to create an illusion of a waist. I don't think this helps because I'll look bigger than I already am and my short torso ruins any attractiveness of having a belt or shirt pinch my "waist".


Huge thighs: work off the fat
But it is already all muscle! I've been trying to cut some muscle from my legs but it's not working. So...my thighs will not go through any pair of jeans that actually fit my hip.


Weird calfs: I have the strangest, most unattractive calfs ever. They are just huge blobs on the back of my leg, preventing me from wearing capris, skinny jeans, etc.


T^T Fashion tips just make me sad...